In light of the recent obviously true allegations of domestic violence leveled against professional idiot, Bill O’Reilly, by his ex-wife, I have decided to compile a list of the top 5 reasons why he used to beat the shit out of her. Here ya go…
1. She wished him ‘happy holidays’ instead of ‘merry Christmas.’
2. He found her extensive collection of Jon Stewart erotic fan fiction.
3. He discovered she was hiding her medical cannabis in a hollowed-out copy of KIlling Jesus.
4. When she told him she was making him falafel for dinner, he got really excited, only to be disappointed when he came home to find fried chickpeas instead of a soapy loofah.
5. Bill O’Reilly is an asshole.